Tuesday, July 13, 2010


"Then he said to them all, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it." Luke 9:23-24

One of the most mindblowing and emotional days I've had in a long time, but so needed and so good. I had the full range of emotions today: from angry, confused, and sad to hopeful, joyful, and giddy.

Confused because of some awesome time we spent with a man that absolutely radiates Christ, Jim. He completely boggled my mind about being successful and how suffering is actually needed and a great thing. He was once CEO of a company, had everything the world says should make us happy, and then lost it all, and is now probably in my top 5 of Godliest people I have ever met. His wreckage turned out so beautiful. Now, I wonder if I need to go through some suffering and pain to experience the beautiful other side. I've been comfortable my whole life and have experienced little to no suffering. At the same time though, my earthly mind doesn't want suffering. So, now what do I do with this?

Sad for one of my fellow interns and the hurt she is going through, but thankful that the Lord has started to soften my hurt, so the things that hurt other people and the Lord are breaking my heart as well. This was a HUGE breakthrough for me. I usually don't feel for other people at all.

Mad because we discussed human trafficking today. I was more angry today than I have been in a long time. I had no idea what a huge issue it is and especially angry that people in our world can be so evil to enslave people and especially sexually enslave small children. Disgusting and gross and it made me absolutely angry. I wanted to get up right then and go punch one of the pimps that enslaves girls.

Hopeful that the Lord can help me discern through all of this information I am processing and hopeful that He can completely eliminate human trafficking. Joyful because the Lord moved in HUGE ways in our group today. Walls were broken down. Bonds were strengthened. Lives are changing.

Joyful that I am blessed to be with such an honest and open group who will be vulnerable.
Giddy after a fantastic light-hearted night including the Hobbit Cafe (which was delicious), an Astros game where they actually won, dancing and singing in the van on the way back to housing, and finally a mini-salsa dance lesson from Sarah, our communications director!

All in all, it scares me so much that I am going to continually have to fight against myself to really see what God has for me this summer, but at the same time, I'm excited to see how His glory and perfect provision for my life turns out!

Lord, thank you for vulnerability and imperfections. Thank you for loving us through wreckage. Continue to remind me that I am not perfect, but don't need to be because you are.

-Crystal, CSM Houston Summer 2010 City Host

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